It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Sunday, May 27, 2007
withers away @ 11:50 pm

the concert was nice! haha.. the beginning wasn't that fantastic though, but i guess they all warmed up to it as time went by.. haha.. and i realized i really miss and love that lao niang alot.. was so excited to hear her sing solo haha..
the pentecost sequence. it was really nice to hear it this morning. solace in the midst of woe.

Holy Spirit, Lord of light,
from the clear celestial height
thy pure beaming radiance give

come, thou Father of the poor,
come with treasures which endure;
come, thou light of all that live

thou, of all consolers best,
thou, the soul's delightful guest,
dost refreshing peace bestow

thou in toil art comfort sweet,
pleasant coolness in the heat;
solace in the midst of woe

light immortal, light divine,
visit thou these hearts of thine,
and our inmost being fill

if thou take thy grace away,
nothing pure in man will stay;
all his good is turned to ill

heal our wounds, our strength renew;
on our dryness pour thy dew,
wash the stains of guilt away

bend the stubborn heart and will,
melt the frozen, warm the chill,
guide the steps that go astray

thou, on us who evermore
thee confess and thee adore,
with thy sevenfold gifts descend

give us comfort when we die,
give us life with thee on high,
give us joys that never end
amen. alleluia.

It's something Mystical

Friday, May 25, 2007
withers away @ 11:58 pm

today was the last canvassing we had.. not v gd.. eh.. had some probs lah.. but it was still ok.. pray that we'll all be fine haha..
but its nice to just hang out with these ppl.. haha.. we had a shortage of gals today (in fact only me and le hia with.. 5 guys..).. i was with haojie again and we had a hard time.. but nvm haha.. we split up to sit down for lunch coz not enough seats.. and started talking abt.. evthg.. haha.. was sitting with yuan bin and edward.. i see them talking abt minds cafe so much until im so tempted to go lah! describing all the games and stuff.. highly recommended they say.. hey ppl we shld go some day!
let's just say its not v possible to maintain friendships that were forged on event-based, like swoc.. we could be having alot of fun talking all kinds of rubbish but.. yah.. this i can foresee le.. but im still v happy that they really made me feel belong.. if not this will just be plain torture lah.. haha..
while the past remains part of our lives, it doesn't have to determine our future.

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, May 22, 2007
withers away @ 10:32 pm

hoho.. this is really nice.. thanks to joan:) she made toshiro's uniform for me! thx dear really appreciate it..


the front...
and the back.

It's something Mystical

Monday, May 21, 2007
withers away @ 12:16 am

the best thing that can happen to me (at least at this pt of my life) is friends.
first it was zoo outing..
den it was dinner with cyn at the glasshouse..
next was pw grp outing in town..
today it was gang outing in bugis..
it feels great to just talk abt anything.. and laugh abt everything.. these are all my good friends i've made over the years, and among them, best friends.. friends that i can be certain will last forever.. love u all <3
time out for myself was really cool too..

It's something Mystical

Friday, May 18, 2007
withers away @ 1:49 am

足りない言葉のくぼみを何で埋めたらいいんだろう
もう分からないよ

It's something Mystical

Thursday, May 17, 2007
withers away @ 12:30 am

zoo outing ytd! hoho.. went for kbox instead of 28 wks later coz cannot use our free passes.. den bao saw sakae and went mad.. haha.. so we had sushi buffet.. and we're going to have another with joan hehehe.. we were going crazy in sakae, laughing our heads off over.. nthg much.. haha.. el came later, and we basically just walked ard, linking hands and blocking the entire pathway.. it was fun.. but not enough! argh.. hahaha..
canvassing today was pretty slack.. coz there weren't many ppl we could ask frm anyway.. we saw lots of unfriendly dogs today.. not v fun when they start following u.. haha..
ok at least tml is a free day.. yay!

It's something Mystical

Monday, May 14, 2007
withers away @ 10:50 pm

hoho abt canvassing again hehe.. coz basically my life is filled with canvassing liao.. this time is another part of paya lebar and after lunch, kallang.. was split up frm minghui coz supposedly we two are quite zai so gilyn the flag ic wanted to separate us.. was grouped with haojie the swoc chair.. who.. apparently doesnt have the "grassroots aura" to get donations haha.. and with le hia too.. new combi, but just as fun too haha.. had fun teasing haojie.. haha.. as usual there were interesting encounters.. such as.. 3 dogs coming at us at one time (super glad a guy's with us this time..).. and.. breathing in all kinda things including sawdust and thinner and fixer and wad not.. some of them in air con rm somemore.. nearly suffocated in some, esp when we had to wait for the bosses.. i really wonder how the ppl manage to work in such places.. really diff walks of life and diff problems ppl have to face sia..
today wasnt so tiring one.. BUT. we walked the wrong way out of one industrial estate.. walked one BIG round.. end up at exactly the same place where we started out FIFTEEN minutes ago, just that we were across the road now.. great.. we nearly ended up at toa payoh i think.. when we were at kallang k.. faints.. so i think we walked for like.. 30min or more to the mrt station.. and we just went piong on the floor and haojie went to get drinks for us.. and those cold drinks were all we needed man..
but i just saw in the news just now that some *bloody idiotic* guys cheat ppl of money in the name of charity.. and it has to be NOW. great. so who's going to donate to us liao huh huh HUH?! kns lah.. we already have enough trouble trying to convince ppl that we're really getting money for the charities and that we've got nothing to do with nkf and now this. yoohooo swocs..
zoo outing tml wheeeeeeeeee
yesh joan dear we'll have our sushi buffet.. hehehe i DUN CARE WE'RE EATING SUSHI BUFFET THIS HOLIDAY. :D:D craving for sushi ever since duno when.. *sulks* haha
my flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26

It's something Mystical

Thursday, May 10, 2007
withers away @ 11:29 pm

another day at canvassing.. it was a long day.. amk this time.. we did better than mon (yeah!), and i really had fun talking cock with them.. mon i just listened to their nonsense and it was amusing enough.. today i chipped in too.. wadeva they say is just hilarious lah.. coz its really total nonsense.. i guess it reminds me of how we're like with the zoo and gang.. as a subcommer i feel that they're a great main comm.. im glad i joined swoc:)
im glad they cancelled tml's canvassing.. coz canvassing is tiring.. haha.. but i got to see alot of stuff i doubt i'll ever get to see.. really diff industries sia.. and their workers.. lousy attitudes.. friendly ones.. the way they treat ppl.. the way they carry themselves.. hmmmm interesting.. i thought canvassing wld be boring like flag day.. but no.. there's always smth new.. like.. minghui and i being scared by a dog barking ferociously (it wasnt chained><) and immediately wished there was a guy with us.. haha..
got more canvassing next wk.. jiayou swocs!

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, May 08, 2007
withers away @ 11:57 pm

went for flag canvassing today at eunos industrial estate.. seriously i had no idea wad we were supposed to do before going there.. i was still having qualms, not knowing the ppl in my sub-comm.. wad's worse was that i over estimated the time i needed to reach there.. i was so tired i decided to slp and sit on the train all the way to changi and back.. and i was still 10min early.. but.. it was all for a good day.. the swocs are friendly and seriously funny and full of crap.. during lunch time, haojie was sitting beside me, and after eating we're just chilling and they were talking loads of nonsense.. we had quite a long lunch break, and when we were going to go off again, haojie sudd turned to me, stuck his hand out to shake hands and said "yeah hi, im haojie, wad's ur name" oh MAN we just seriously laughed our heads off can.. hahahha.. gilyn was like eh we talk for SO long alr and u dun even noe her name?? hahahaha.. damn funny lah..
industrial canvessing is bascially doing flag day in industrial estates.. u just go to every shop and ask for the boss to ask for donations.. some ignored us, some didnt give us a chance to speak, but some were nice too:) there was this pair of uncle and auntie who kept chatting with us.. in a mix of english chinese and hokkein.. about how we shld live life and some experiences they had with others wanting donations.. she even gave us drinks.. a v nice and friendly pair..
after we all completed the estate (it didnt take as long as expected), met up again at kfc to.. i duno haha.. talk cock hahaha.. its damn funny listening to the stuff they talk abt coz its so nonsense.. even on the way home.. haha.. it sure was tiring but we did have some money raised too:)
and i will give u rest.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, May 05, 2007
withers away @ 3:36 am

因为时间不对,所以他们错过了。
the only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say.
home bound tml! this will be my last night here hoho.. bye to c702.. bye to fast net connection.. bye to youtube.. hohoho
mei you shei neng qu dai ni zai wo xin shang
yong you yi ge zhuan shu tian shi
wo na li hai xu yao bie de yuan wang
zhuan shu tian shi by tank

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, May 02, 2007
withers away @ 11:08 pm

today was the freaking last paper yoohoo~ so i came back, watched an ep of bleach, dressed up more decently (i had no time/didnt bother to do ANY sorta dressing up except tshirt and jeans during exam period), headed to town.. when was the last time i went to town to shop? I DON'T RMBR... it was a nice time out wif bea and cyn.. bought some stuff too.. SHOPPING ROX...
but now i dun feel like moving at all.. bleah.. pia-ing bleach? hmmm maybe.. hehehehehe bleah..

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, May 01, 2007
withers away @ 1:51 am

a short talking cock session with neighbours is really enjoyable. thanks joey and mingli:)

It's something Mystical